By wendy, on April 14th, 2013
 FIBROMYALGIA (Photo credit: *SHESHELL*) Like your most annoying relative, the five “Ds” of fibromyalgia tend to show up over and over. No matter how positive you try to be, there are days when it really gets to you and you go tumbling back into that black hole that seems to eat all the good in your life.
Diagnosis – Depending on how long you’ve been sick, being diagnosed with fibro can either be a huge relief or throw you into a deep depression. If you’ve been hearing, “there’s nothing wrong with you;” for years, finding out that you actually AREN’T crazy is a major relief. On the other hand, once you realize that having a diagnosis doesn’t necessarily mean the doctors are going to be able to actually DO anything but try to manage your symptoms, you’re likely to fall into the rest of the “Ds.” Even worse, a fibromyalgia diagnosis frequently leads to even more diagnoses, since there are multiple co-occurring illnesses that go along with it.
Desperation – Desperation is a big issue for people with fibromyalgia, whether it’s a desperate search for treatments that work or a desperate struggle to pay the bills. No two fibro patients have exactly the same set of symptoms, and the treatments that work for one may not work for someone else. The worse your symptoms, the more likely it is that you either won’t be able to work at all, or that you’ll only be able to work part time, and both cause major financial issues.
Depression – Depression tends to be a frequent visitor in the lives of those with any chronic illness. You don’t only have to live with pain and other disabling symptoms, you get to hear your doctors telling you there’s nothing they can do for you, your friends and family telling you there’s nothing wrong with you, and society telling you you’re nothing but a lazy leech who would rather lay around and watch tv while everyone else works to support you. And people wonder why you get depressed?
Even if you have a job, the stress of trying to make ends meet on what little you can make can also lead to depression. If you can only work part-time, or can only FIND a part-time job, the situation is even worse. Do you buy medicine so you’re ABLE to work, or buy food? Do you pay the utilities this week, or hope they won’t turn them off before your next check so you can actually EAT this week?
Despair – The previous “Ds” have a bad tendency to lead to despair. You feel trapped, and can’t find any way out. It can be a horrible cycle, and it’s not easy to find a way to break it, especially when financial issues play a part. When rent and utilities take every penny you can scrape together, and you spend days or weeks hungry, despair can eat your world.
Defeat – Finally, there’s defeat; the last, and maybe worst, of the “Ds.” Defeat is a stopper, because once you feel defeated, you’re likely to give up. “What’s the point of fighting any more?” you think. It feels like no matter what you try, it goes wrong; no matter what you do, or don’t do, things just keep getting worse. It gets to the point that you feel like everything you do makes the situation worse, so why bother to do anything anymore?
I know how this feels. I know because I’ve been there, and I am there again. In the last 48 hours, I’ve eaten 6 pieces of bread, 3 with the last of the peanut butter, one with a little chicken salad made out of the last piece of meat in the house and homemade mayo made with the last of the cooking oil and the last egg, and two with a dab of butter. I’ve mostly been surviving on coffee with sugar, because once we eat the last 2 cups of pasta with alfredo and the cup of beans, there won’t be anything left but cornmeal mush with no fat or protein until we get paid on Thursday. I might be able to borrow a few dollars to get us through, but I don’t dare, because I don’t have ANY idea when (or even if) I’d ever be able to pay it back.
Why are things so bad, you ask? Because neither one of us can find another job, and the part-time jobs we have keep cutting our hours. My last check was $194, and I had to pay the last $200 of the rent with that and the $10 I managed to save from the last check. Last week I was scheduled a whole 12 hours, and hubby got about 15, so the next check MIGHT cover the $265 worth of utilities that have to be paid before they start turning things off.
We can’t even get second part-time jobs, because they won’t give us regular schedules, and without knowing in advance when you’ll be working, it’s impossible to co-ordinate two jobs.
I’m still fighting, still trying to find ways to survive, but it’s not easy to fight when you’re so hungry you’re weak and your brain doesn’t want to work properly. It’s even harder to want to survive when you see no way out of the trap you’re in . . . The worst thing about it is that I know that not only am I not the only one in this situation, there are thousands of people who are even worse off; with no place to live except the street.
I honestly don’t know what to do any more . . . We both keep applying for better jobs, but don’t even get an email back from most of the applications, and it’s really hard to get a phone call when you can’t keep the phone turned on half the time. I’ve got a few articles out trying to get them sold, but it could be months before anything comes of that; and I’m working on some that are already paid for, but that money is long gone. Hubby would have a FIT if he had any idea at all that I’m even talking about all this, but the payment for this website is gonna be due in a few days, and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to make it, so I wanted the people who follow this blog to at least have an idea of what happened if it goes away.
If you can, and want to keep the blog going, you can donate at the top of the page by using the PayPal donate button. At this point, I’m no longer too proud to beg, even if it DOES piss off my husband and decrease my chances of getting a better job. The idea of hitting the publish button on this post is TERRIFYING, but at this point, it’s the only chance I see.
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By wendy, on March 17th, 2013
 Main health effects of sleep deprivation (See Wikipedia:Sleep deprivation). Model: Mikael Häggström. To discuss image, please see Template talk:Häggström diagrams (Photo credit: Wikipedia) Have you ever felt trapped by your fibromyalgia? We’ve all been there at some point, whether we feel trapped by symptoms that don’t allow us to work and keep us in a constant round of financial struggles trying to survive on the tiny disability checks Social Security provides, trapped in a job that makes our symptoms worse, or trapped in the hunt for a treatment that actually helps us feel better.
WARNING: Major venting ahead . . .
Personally, my “trap” is a minimum wage job that doesn’t pay enough to live on, but takes so many hours that I don’t have the time or energy left to do anything else. Let me give you an example with my schedule last week.
My boss scheduled me to work from 5PM to 10PM Monday night, then 9AM to 5PM on Tuesday. That’s a total of 13 hours of work in the 24 hours between 5PM Monday and 5PM Tuesday. But wait, it gets better . . . To get to work by 5, I have to leave the house by 3, so we’re at 15 out of 26 hours. Then it takes me two hours to get home on the bus, which makes it midnight. Add in another hour and a half to two hours to fix food, eat, take pills, and clean the kitchen, so the earliest I can get to bed is 1:30AM. To make it to work by 9AM, I have to leave to catch the bus by 7AM, so I have to be up by 5AM to have time to work out the morning stiffness, fix and eat breakfast, and get ready (and now we’re at 17 hours out of 26, JUST counting travel time and actual work time.)
Have you noticed that this schedule only leaves me a maximum of three and a half hours for sleeping? Oh, let’s not forget, it’s a half mile from the apartment to the bus stop, at least another tenth of a mile from the bus to the train, another tenth from the train to the next bus, and at least a quarter of a mile from the bus stop to the store; so there’s about a mile of walking and an hour of standing included in the two hour commute. In 13 hours of scheduled work, I have to stand up and walk around for 12 hours and 15 minutes (there’s a 15 minute break for the 5 hour shift, and a 30 minute break for the 8 hour shift.)
Let’s see, that puts it at 15.25 hours of standing up and walking around (NOT including the time spent standing up and walking around necessary to fix food and get ready for work) out of 26 hours, on 3 hours of sleep, and I still have a two hour commute and another mile of walking to do before I get home . . . And I can’t even go to bed when I finally make it home because I still have to cook, eat, clean up, and all that good crap.
It was an interesting week. By the time I got off on Tuesday my right knee wouldn’t hold me up (good thing I’ve started using a cane for the commute,) not to mention all the other extra aches and pains from pushing too hard. I actually had Wednesday and Thursday off, not that it did me much good. I had to spend almost all of Wednesday in bed trying to recover, and when I finally got up I had so much to do trying to catch up that I didn’t get back to bed until 8AM Thursday morning. Thursday was even more interesting, since we had no food in the house except some oatmeal and bread and hubby had to work that night so he couldn’t take me to the store.
I got up about 12:30, had to cook breakfast and do some bits and pieces, so it was after 3 before I could leave for the bus stop. Finally got back home around 6pm with about 75 pounds of groceries in my grocery cart (thank goodness for the neighbors, one of the young men that lives in the complex dragged that cart more than halfway to the apartment for me,) and had to cook yet again. I’d gotten lucky and found a pork butt roast on markdown because it was the last day of sale (more than 9 pounds, for only $10.57) so after dinner I got that in the oven and cooked it for about 5 hours. It got done just in time for us to have for “supper” around 1AM, and then it was time to get hubby off to work and get the leftovers into the fridge.
I finally made it to bed at 2:30, and had to be back up at 5 to be on the bus at 7 for work at 9 Friday morning. Got home around 6:30 or 7 (I missed the freaking bus, so instead of a 2 hour commute, it was closer to 3) and tried to go to bed, but I couldn’t sleep, so by 8 I was back up cooking and trying to get all the crap done that had to be done before I could leave the house again. Finally made it to bed around 2AM so I could be up at 5 and do it all again on Saturday. Got home around 6PM, ate, fell in bed and passed out until I had to get up at 11PM to cook supper and get hubby off to work at 1:15AM. I was back in bed by 1:30, and was still wide awake at 4:30, so I got up and did some cleaning before trying again at 6:30. Of course, after that I overslept and had to rush around like a maniac trying to fix food and get out of the house by 2PM to be back at work for a 4 to 10 shift. . . I do have Monday off, but I’ll probably have to spend about 16 hours trying to catch up on laundry, making herbal capsules (I’m almost completely out of everything I use to manage my fibro,) cooking enough stuff so that I’ll have something for hubby to heat and eat while I’m at work the rest of the week, and getting him out of the house by 9:15PM so he can be at work by 10 and I can collapse into bed.
Thank goodness I’m back on my usual 4 to 10 shift the rest of this week, so MAYBE I’ll actually get some sleep once I get the hideous Tuesday mess out of the way. If I’m really lucky I’ll be able to go to bed as soon as he leaves tomorrow night and actually fall asleep, since I have to be up at 3:30AM and catch the 5:30 bus for a 7:30 – 8:30 department meeting. Then I get to spend 2 hours on the bus getting home around 11AM so that I can turn around and leave again at 2PM (yes, I know it would make more sense to just stay, but I am NOT spending 18 hours in that store when I’m only getting paid for 7) to work another 4 to 10 shift and get home around midnight. By the time I get home, I will have been up for more than 20 hours, and I’ll still have to fix food and eat something.
People, I’m dying here . . . I’m constantly starving, but too tired to eat more than a few bites, my muscles haven’t stopped twitching in days, I’ve been clenching my teeth so hard in my sleep that they always hurt when I wake up, and it only takes about 5 minutes of slicing at work before my neck, arm and shoulder muscles are in agony. Think about how your legs feel after you’ve walked about 4 miles when you never walk ANYWHERE. You know that burning, trembly, achy feeling you get that tells you that you overdid the workout and makes you move like you’re about 100 years old? That’s the one.
I can almost hear you thinking, “she HAS to be exaggerating, there’s no way that she could actually be putting in those kinds of hours with fibromyalgia,” but nope, no exaggeration. Even worse, the past week ISN’T that unusual. Between work and the everyday stuff that HAS to be done, it normally takes me 14 to 16 hours a day just to accomplish the absolute necessities. Since I very rarely get two days in a row off (last week was the first time since January,) “days off” are spent playing catch up on all the things I can’t get done on work days and trying to figure out how the hell we’re going to pay the bills and eat on the average $200 a week I get paid for all this activity. (Hubby works, but he’s also working retail right now, and averages around half what I make because they give him just enough (overnight) hours to make him need to sleep in the daytime. He’s put in umpteen job applications for decent jobs, but with 4 people for every available opening, it’s rare for him to even get called for an interview.)
So have you spotted the trap yet? I don’t get paid enough to live on, but I put in so many hours between working and the commute that I don’t have time to look for another job that pays better. Not only that, but with the lack of time, the exhaustion and the cognitive issues the lack of sleep is causing, I can’t even work on my writing. The totally random work schedules make it impossible to guarantee that I’ll be able to meet deadlines for assignments (I missed out on the chance to make an extra $200 last week because of the crazy schedule), the vacation request I put in for this week was denied so I’m missing out on the chance of a $500 prize and some other goodies for a contest I wanted to enter because I won’t be able to finish my entry by the Friday deadline, this is the first post I’ve managed on here since Christmas, and I still owe a client 9 of the 12 articles he paid me for the first week of February. (I’m REALLY sorry James, I promise, I’m working on them.) Hell, I don’t even have time to check my email most days. One account has almost 43,000 emails just in the inbox because I go for days on end without being able to deal with them.
Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand that my department manager is doing the best she can with the people and hours corporate allows her to get the job done. She’s really not trying to make my life difficult, and we are even more short-handed than usual because one of our people is out for surgery, but it’s still killing me . . .
I would NEVER agree to be a department manager for this company – we need at least 3 more people in our department to do all the stuff the company expects to be done, but they don’t even want to let us have 1 more. During a 5 hour shift, we’re frequently expected to do more than two people could accomplish in that time. On night shift, we usually have customers from the time we walk in the door until the time we close, but we’re also expected to prep for the next day, AND be out on the floor doing markdowns and putting out stock. I’m really sorry folks, but I can only be in one place at the time. (My customers are constantly asking me why I’m the only one behind the counter, and telling me how unfair it is to me (and to them) that the company only allows us one person to do my job.)
There are days when it feels like I’ll never be able to escape, but I’m determined to do it somehow, and I’m starting by cutting my availability. I’m going to tell my boss I’m taking a class (I actually am, it started last week, and I haven’t even been able to watch the first lecture, let alone do the homework or take the quiz;) and I have to have 3 days a week off to have time to do the work for it. It will cut into the grocery money even more, but it will give me one guaranteed day a week that I can work on articles and queries and get some extra money coming in on a regular basis. Until then, I guess I’ll keep eating peanut butter sandwiches for days on end . . .
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8 Scary Effects of Too Little Shut-Eye
By wendy, on December 25th, 2012
 A great resource for fibromyalgia patients; their friends, family, and caregivers. It’s that time of the year again. The holiday stresses are almost over (thank goodness) and we’ll all be back to managing and coping with our illnesses as best we can.
I’m not much of a holiday person, so I was doing my usual browsing about and checking social media when one of the people I follow on Twitter suggested this to me. I think it’s a great idea, so I thought I’d share it here as well.
For those of us with fibromyalgia, @FibroModem (if you’re on Twitter, you should follow her) has a new fibromyalgia blog directory available for download. It’s a work in progress, so check back for updates and additions. It’s always good to find a new blog that resonates with our own experience; and for new #spoonies it can be hard to locate useful information online. This directory makes it easier to get started, and for those of us who have been doing “this” for a while, its a good source of new blogs to follow.
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By wendy, on November 13th, 2012
 Homemade Hand & Body Cream Now that we’ve moved, and I have my own kitchen again, I’ve been playing around with some of my homemade personal care products again . . . I’ve been wanting one of the “Little Dipper” crock pots for doing infused oils and such, and last week we had a full-size crock pot on sale that included one of the small ones for the same price as just the big one. Of course, I couldn’t resist, and this is the first project I’ve used the small one for. (You don’t have to have a “Little Dipper” to make this hand cream, it just makes the process a bit simpler.)
I’ve been wanting to make a new batch of hand cream for a while, because my hands had gotten so rough that they were snagging on the inside of my jacket pockets, but it was so much trouble to run back and forth hauling all the ingredients up to the main house that I kept putting it off. (I’ve been so much more productive since we’ve moved here that it’s just wild . . .)
I’m including an explanation of why I chose the particular ingredients I used after the recipe, including allergy information, so be sure to at least scan that to prevent wasting money and time making something you can’t use. (Important: before starting, please read Using Essential Oils Safely to be sure you don’t do anything that could cause harm to you or anyone else.)
NOTE: I’ve included links for all the ingredients (except the olive oil, which can be bought at any grocery store,) to make it easier for you to find them; as well as a link to the Little Dipper Crock Pot I used in case you want to buy one of those instead of using a water bath. For my Canadian readers, just switch to Amazon.ca for lower shipping costs. The links are affiliate links, and any purchases made through them will help to keep this site online, without costing you anything extra.
Rich, Creamy, and Healing Hand & Body Cream
Equipment needed:
- Little Dipper Crock Pot
 or a saucepan with a heat resistant glass mixing bowl that will fit inside it without touching the bottom
- A heat-resistant glass mixing bowl (if you’re using the Little Dipper)
- Either a meat thermometer or a candy thermometer
- A kitchen timer
- Measuring cups and spoons
- Something to stir with (a wooden spoon that can be reserved for non-food use is best, but you can use a stainless steel spoon as long as you don’t leave it sitting in the oils and you wash it thoroughly afterward. (Don’t use aluminum or plastic. Both of these materials can react with the oils and leach unwanted contaminants into your cream.)
- Potholders
- A clean glass jar to store the finished product
Directions:
 Chunks of shea butter melting
- Place the shea butter (or cocoa butter) in the “Little Dipper” crock pot and plug it in. (If you’re using the saucepan and glass bowl, put the shea butter in the bowl, and put enough water in the saucepan to come about half-way up the sides of the bowl when it’s suspended in the pot.)
 Almost melted
- Once the shea butter has mostly melted, start checking its temperature every few minutes until it reaches 165 degrees F. When it reaches 165, set your timer for 20 minutes. (This step is not necessary if you’re using cocoa butter. Shea butter contains little “crystals” that don’t fully dissolve unless it’s kept at 165 degrees or more for at least 20 minutes. If they aren’t completely dissolved, your cream will have a slightly “grainy” texture.)
 The coconut oil is in and melting
- Once the timer goes off, add your coconut oil, allow it to melt completely, and turn off the Little Dipper, or remove your bowl from the saucepan. (If you’re using the Little Dipper, at this point you’ll need to pour your melted mixture into a glass bowl. Use the potholders, the Little Dipper gets HOT!)
 The rest of the ingredients.
- Add the olive and jojoba oils, stir well, and set the bowl in the refrigerator for about 15 minutes to start the cooling process. You want to see a slight sheen on top when you take it out.
 All the ingredients are in, and it’s almost ready to go in the jar.
- At this point, mix in the rest of the ingredients and leave the bowl on the counter to finish cooling and setting up before putting it in your jar.
Before I started the recipe, I promised you an explanation of why I chose the particular ingredients I used for this cream. If you have any interest in creating your own recipes, or modifying an existing recipe, the explanations will help you learn how to decide on appropriate choices for your own personal needs.
Why I Made the Choices I Did:
The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re deciding which ingredients to use is your intended result. I wanted a rich cream that would moisturize extremely dry hands made rough by the constant hand washing my job requires. I also wanted something that would absorb quickly so that I wouldn’t need to worry about leaving smears of oil everywhere, dropping things because my hands were slippery, or staining my clothes, sheets, or furniture when I used the cream on other parts of my body.
Shea Butter: I picked this because I wanted the base to be a carrier that was solid at room temperature, and cocoa butter makes me itch. (If you have a latex allergy, you’ll want to substitute cocoa butter to prevent allergic reactions to your cream.) A solid carrier eliminates the need to add beeswax to solidify liquid oils; and results in a softer, creamier final product. It, like cocoa butter, is excellent for very dry or damaged skin; with the added bonus of being an excellent addition in psoriasis treatments (and I happen to have psoriasis.) It does absorb a bit more slowly than cocoa butter, but since cocoa butter isn’t an option for me . . .
Coconut Oil: I chose coconut oil as my next ingredient because it is solid to semi-solid at room temperature, but has a lower melting temperature than shea butter. (A spoonful of coconut oil held in the had will almost immediately liquefy, while shea butter has to be rubbed in to melt.) In addition; coconut oil is a wonderful choice for dry, itchy skin; and has anti-inflammatory properties (a bonus in controlling my fibromyalgia and arthritis pain, as well as the skin inflammation that comes with psoriasis.) It does feel oily to start with, but absorbs relatively quickly.
Olive Oil: This choice was made for several reasons as well. Olive oil is compatible with the skin’s natural oils, attracts moisture to the skin, and is another oil with anti-inflammatory properties. (Do you see a pattern here? I have problems with inflammation, so when I have a choice between oils with otherwise similar properties, I’m going to choose the one that is anti-inflammatory.)
Jojoba Oil: This is actually a liquid plant “wax” rather than an oil; and is extremely stable, helping to extend the shelf life of blends. In addition, its absorption rate and consistency are similar to those of our natural body oils; and it contains myristic acid, another anti-inflammatory compound.
Vitamin E Oil: Full of antioxidants, vitamin E oil helps to preserve the other oils and extends their shelf life. Known to be healing to the skin, it’s used in many over-the-counter skin products, including those intended to reduce scar formation.
The Essential Oils:
When choosing your essential oils, not only do you need to consider the properties of the oil; you need to think about their scents, and how they smell together. No matter how good your cream feels, or how well it works, if you think it stinks you aren’t going to want to put it on your body. In addition, some essential oils have a very distinct color, and will affect the color of your final product. (For example, the German chamomile I included is a rich royal blue color. With the tans, yellows, and pale greens of the base oils used, I ended up with a sort of pale willow color. If I’d included carrot oil as well (an orange/red oil), it most likely would have turned some shade of brown.)
Lavender Oil: This is one of my favorite essential oils to use, since I love the scent of high quality lavender oil (the cheaper versions tend to smell sort of medicinal.) Not only does it smell wonderful, it has many properties that are useful in skin care and in the treatment of my fibromyalgia symptoms. Lavender oil is relaxing; anti-depressant; anti-inflammatory; reduces pain, stress, and anxiety; and helps me fall asleep.
Rosemary Oil: This is another oil I use a lot, especially in combination with lavender oil. I enjoy the way they smell together, and the way they work in combination. (Rosemary and lavender is my absolute favorite combination to use for bath salts.) It relieves muscular and rheumatic pain, and has anti-spasmodic properties (Restless Leg Syndrome anyone? It’s not a cure, but it seems to ease the muscle spasms for me.) If you have high blood pressure, don’t use this one, since it can raise your blood pressure even higher; and don’t use it on its own near bedtime since it’s also a stimulant and can keep you awake if it isn’t balanced by a more sedative oil like lavender or chamomile.
German Chamomile Oil: Most people have heard of using chamomile tea to help them sleep, and the essential oil is also very relaxing. It has pain-relieving and anti-inflammatory properties, as well as helping to ease stress and anxiety.
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By wendy, on October 24th, 2012
 MARTA Bus Stop (Photo credit: Wikipedia) We’ve been in the new apartment for almost 4 weeks now, and I’ve discovered something important. . . It’s time to move on, not just in our living arrangements, but at work, too.
I didn’t want to change stores because I really like most of the people I work with (and the others I can deal with,) but staying at this store is going to be totally unmanageable. To be at work by 4PM, I have to leave the apartment by 1PM to make the connection to the bus at the other end. Then I spend an hour and a half to 2 hours and 15 minutes getting home, depending on whether it’s a weeknight or a weekend (and if the bus on either end is early or late, I’m screwed because I miss my connection.) Basically, I’m getting paid for 5.5 hours, and spending 11 hours to get it, and it’s playing hell with my fibromyalgia (not to mention the effect on my blood sugar from not being able to eat when I should, or what I should.) I just can’t handle 4.5 to 5.5 hours a day on public transit, so something is gonna have to change, soon.
Working with a chronic pain condition is difficult enough without this . . .
If you also figure in the physical costs (increased pain levels and flaring, fatigue that makes it possible to fall asleep standing up leaning against a post, fibrofog from hell, and a diet heavily weighted toward peanut butter sandwiches;) add the extra financial costs (multiple added bus trips because I can no longer just grab groceries before I leave work, buying cigarettes because I don’t have the time or energy to make them, and buying convenience foods because I don’t have time to cook;) then add in the money I’m losing because I don’t have time to write (anywhere from $150 a month and up;) it’s actually costing me more than I’m making to continue working at that store.
Luckily, I work for a major chain, and there are 12 stores within an hour’s bus ride of the apartment, so hopefully I can transfer to one of them (SOON!) If I’m really lucky, I’ll manage to get into one of the 3 that are less than 30 minutes away, so cross your fingers. (Tomorrow’s project is contacting all of the stores and trying to set up a time I can talk to the deli manager if they aren’t there when I call.)
Other than that, I haven’t really found any major difficulties since we moved. (There’s a noisy dog upstairs, but I’m not here enough for it to be that big a deal for me right now.) I’m loving the apartment, and we’re gradually getting everything organized and arranged. There are still some boxes that haven’t been emptied, but they’re all either in the bedroom, or stuffed in a closet because the things in them aren’t used often enough for them to be emptied. I’m even finding all kinds of stuff I haven’t seen in years because it sat in boxes under the bed from the time we moved to the cottage until we moved here.
I will admit, I miss “the boys” and Soxkitty, but it’s not like I can’t go visit, message them on FB, or call or text them whenever; and the advantages of the apartment over the cottage are worth it (mostly.)
Even better, hubby’s doing much better now. He’s seeing a different doc for his ADD, and this one a) has ADD herself, and b) actually recommended vitamin D instead of an antidepressant. I’ve been giving him vitamin D for the last few weeks, but she recommended a higher dose than I was comfortable with giving him without a doctor’s advice, and it’s really making a difference.
He’s also finding some folks to hang out with, which helps even more since it gets him out of the house. He even traded a second guitar someone gave him for guitar lessons. I hear a lot of growling and grumbling during practice sessions when he’s not getting the result he wants, but he doesn’t give up, he just b*tchs and keeps going.
Things have improved so much that I’ve even come home to find the dishes done and the living room cleaned up, and he’s volunteered to take over keeping the bathroom clean if I’ll buy some bathroom cleaner instead of making him use my homemade stuff. I’m thinking it’s worth the trade-off of a few extra dollars and the small amount of added toxins, since cleaning the bathroom tends to put me in bed for hours of recovery. I’m gonna have to think about this one – I’m not sure how comfortable I am with the idea of using a commercial cleaner again.
All in all, the move has been a very positive thing for both of us, and once I get the commute under control, I think I’m going to be very happy with the changes . . .
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By wendy, on October 5th, 2012
 Moving Truck (Photo credit: netmonkey) http://www.flickr.com/photos/netmonkey/2749646355/sizes/m/in/photostream/
Moving sucks, and it’s even harder when you have a chronic illness, but it’s finally done (although it’s going to be a while before everything is unpacked and put away.) It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, considering the fibro and all the stuff that goes along with that.
Moving is actually why I’ve been “missing” for so long. Between the packing, the actual move, and waiting for the cable company to get my net hooked up; I’ve been gone for a while, but I think it’s going to end up being worth it . . .
I’m loving the apartment and having so much more space, but I think the best part is just being able to cook and take a bath any time I want . . . The cottage didn’t have a kitchen, and only had a half bath, so for cooking and bathing we had to go up to the main house, and sometimes that just wasn’t an option.
Hubby and I both work nights, so we’re up at weird times of the night, and since our roommates kept more “normal” hours, a lot of the time I’d want to cook or take a bath when they were asleep. Now if I want to take a bath or boil an egg after I get home from work, I can, and I don’t have to worry about waking anyone up while I do it.
Of course, there are disadvantages to moving out, too. For one thing, getting to work now involves at least an hour and a half to two hours on public transit, instead of a 15 minute walk. Between getting to the bus stop, then walking to the train and back out to the other bus, I actually walk further than I did from the cottage to work. (The walk from the bus stop to the apartment is almost as long as the entire walk from work to the cottage was . . .)
The biggest disadvantage, at least as far as I’m concerned, is having to deal with the utilities and all. All that stuff was in the roommate’s names, so all I had to do was hand over the rent, and they took care of the rest. Now I’m the one that has to make sure everything gets paid when it’s supposed to, and make the calls when something screws up.
Like everything else in life, it’s a trade-off. There are advantages and disadvantages, but overall, it’s mostly a positive experience, and I’ve learned a lot about managing a move without triggering a flare. I’ve learned that:
- Pacing is the key to minimizing the physical stress of a move. If you can afford it, hiring a moving company to come in and handle the move for you is ideal. They’ll even do all the packing, for an extra charge. (If you can only afford for them to load, move, and unload; it’s still more than worth the cost to avoid having to lift and carry all that stuff.)
- If you can’t afford to hire someone, recruit all the friends and family you can. Although more than two or three people can be hard to coordinate, it’s way better than having to spend the week after the move in bed recovering. Coordinating will be easier if you stay in the house and direct what goes out when; put one or two people in the truck to supervise where things get loaded; and everyone else packing, fetching, and carrying.
- Start packing early! As soon as you know you’re going to be moving, start packing things you don’t use very often. I started the packing process in May, even though I knew it would be months before we moved. Out of season clothes, holiday decorations, knick-knacks, books you don’t read regularly (like seasonal cookbooks,) etc. can all be packed months in advance.
- Packing is an ideal time to throw things away. You’re going to have to touch everything you own to get it packed; so if it’s broken, worn out, doesn’t fit, or isn’t used anymore, throw it away and save yourself the work of packing and unpacking it.
- Label everything! This is one that most of us slack on, because it’s a pain to do; but it makes a huge difference when you get in the new place. “Miscellaneous” is not a helpful label! Useful labels include the room the box belongs in, plus the general category of things inside (books, dishes, winter clothes, etc.) and any specific items you’re likely to want within the first week or so. For things like toothbrushes, towels, the bedding you’ll need to put the bed together, and other things you’ll need right away; add “Open First” to the other labeling on the box. I spent three days looking for my cookie sheets because they ended up in a box that only said miscellaneous on it, and were buried under a bunch of random bits and pieces.
- When writing the contents on your boxes, makes sure that you put it on at least two sides, not just on top. If the only place you put your label is on top, you’ll have to constantly rearrange stacks of boxes to find what you’re looking for, because you’ll only be able to read the label on the top box.
- Medications, hot packs, heating pads, and anything else that is used in treating your illness should all be packed together, no matter which room they belong in. These boxes should be labeled on all four sides, and the top. Mark them as “Open First;” keep them separate from the other stuff; and even if you’re hiring a moving company, make sure you have these boxes in your possession at all times.
- Pack the most important stuff last, and either load it separately, like in the car, or make sure it’s the last thing to go on the truck, and the first thing to come off.
- Set up a staging area for the stuff that has to be unpacked immediately. Whether it’s one corner of the living room, or a separate section in each room, you’ll want the stuff you’re going to need right away somewhere you can find it.
- If you’re renting a truck, choose at least one size larger than the rental company says you’ll need. We were living in one room, so I rented the size U-Haul said would handle a one-bedroom apartment in one trip, and we had to make two, plus there was still stuff that didn’t fit.
- Get at least twice as many boxes as you think you’ll need, and lots of packing tape. You can always throw away extras, but if you run out, you’re screwed. You won’t have the time or the energy to run out and get more right in the middle of loading and moving things.
- Allow plenty of time for all stages of the move. It always takes longer than you expect, even for healthy folks; and those of us with chronic illnesses have to allow plenty of time for rest breaks. Remember that no matter how well-planned and well-organized a move is, there are always going to be unexpected delays.
Bonus tip: If you have clothes that need to go to the dry cleaner, drop them off the day before the move, and pick them up the day after. It will keep you from having to pack them, and save a bit of space in the truck, too.
Finally, do some research. There are tons of helpful articles and checklists online with tips to streamline and simplify the process, and help you make sure you get all the stuff you need to take care of done. I’m including some articles below to help you get started.
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By wendy, on September 22nd, 2012
 I have a confession . . . I’m scared to death. I spend a lot of time scared, but right now it’s even worse than usual because I’m afraid I’ll blow it again.
Okay, now that I’ve got you thoroughly confused, let me back up a bit and tell you that we finally found an apartment, and we signed the paperwork and made the deposit on the 20th. I have to admit that I’m excited as hell that we’re going to have our own space again, and that I’ll be able to cook or take a bath at 2AM if I want.
The terrifying thing is taking on so much responsibility. The rent is going to be a healthy chunk more than we’re paying here, and utilities won’t be included. Living here has been very light on responsibilities, all I had to do was make sure the rent got paid and cook dinner a few times a week; but now I’ll have to make sure there’s money in the bank when it’s time to pay rent, and make sure the utilities get paid on time.
If I forget to buy coffee, I won’t just be able to run upstairs and borrow enough to make it to the next day, I’ll either have to do without or drag my happy ass to the store and get some. I feel kind of like I did when I left my ex and got my own place for the first time in my life . . . What if I can’t do this? What if I fail? What if I really CAN’T make the money we have cover the bills and food, and all of the other necessary bits and pieces? What if one of us loses their job (again?)
I can DO this, I know I can, but it’s still terrifying . . .it’s such a huge responsibility, and the only fall-back plan is my writing. That’s scary enough all by itself. I love writing, but it has it’s own set of “what ifs” that come with it. What if I’m wrong about being able to be more productive in my own space, where I can get away from the tv? What if spending almost 3 hours a day on public transportation to get back and forth to work triggers the fibromyalgia even worse than walking does; and I’m too tired, or in too much pain, to be able to write, even on my days off? What if I transfer to a store closer to the apartment so I have more time to write; and hate the people I work with, or don’t get enough hours to pay the rent on? Can I really make enough money writing to make this work?
Am I really going to be able to keep hubby from spending every penny on stuff we can live without, or stuff we could get cheaper? Will I let him talk me into things just because it’s easier than arguing with him about it?
Change is scary. It always is, and always has been. I can make this work, things are going to be better. I know they are, but every now and then the fear just slams into me like a wave crashing against the shore, sweeping me out into that undertow, and sucking me down into that dark place that’s full of doubts and insecurity again. I know that place, too well. I used to spend my whole life there, doubting my ability to manage in any kind of reasonable way, and at times like this it’s easy for the fear to drag me back there.
There’s a big difference now though. The fear may drag me down, but it can’t hold me there any more. Even when it’s dragging at me, I’m already fighting my way back out. A few years ago, the fear would have immobilized me. It would have sucked me into the dark place, and I would have been helpless to resist it. I would have been trapped there until someone helped me back out, but this time, I can feel myself fighting it.
Like Penelope Garcia, I believe things happen for a reason. Things have changed here because it’s time for me to move on. This place, these people, have been like a family to me; giving me the time and space I needed to learn and grow. Now, to continue growing, I need to be in a place where I have to push a bit harder, where I can’t just do the minimum necessary to survive at this level. I need to be in a place where there are more demands, where there is more incentive to focus on the things I WANT to accomplish. It’s time to stop letting myself drift along on the current of “how it is,” and start swimming harder toward “how I want it to be.”
It’s not going to be easy, and I’m going to have to do a lot of things I absolutely HATE to do (like making decisions and organizing things,) but I CAN do this. Not only can I survive starting over, yet again; but I can thrive. This is going to work. It’s going to be exciting, and terrifying; but no matter how many times life knocks me on my ass, I’m going to get back up and keep going.
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By wendy, on September 12th, 2012
 
Doctor, Why Does My Face Still Ache?: Getting Relief from Persistent Jaw, Ear, Tooth, and Headache Pain by Donald R. Tanenbaum, DDS, MPH and S. L. Roistacher, DDS is an outstanding explanation of the causes of facial pain, and why it’s so hard to find treatments that actually work.
I thought the following quote was exceptionally appropriate because so many chronic pain patients have spent years hearing doctors, nurses, friends, and family members telling them that their pain is “all in your head.” Although Dr. Tanenbaum’s explanations of the causes of facial pain rest on the mind/body connection, he makes it quite clear that this is a physical problem, not a psychiatric or psychological one.
“While the brain’s inability to maintain normal muscle function is the catalyst for your pain, it is important to emphasize that the pain is not “in your head.” Real physical changes have occurred in muscles and their associated nerves and tissues.” (Emphasis mine.)
I have to admit that I expected this to be a difficult read. With many complex muscle and joint interactions; plus the interplay of stress, the mind, and the body to explain; I anticipated many hard to understand medical and dental terms, paired with complicated definitions. Instead I found terms with clear, plain-English explanations that were easy to follow and actually made sense; and drawings that show the interplay of muscles and the areas of referred pain.
Dr. Tanenbaum provides simple, straight-forward explanations of complicated concepts like referred pain; sensitization; and how it is possible to have severe pain without having any structural problems, damage, or disease processes causing it. He spells out how stress, suppressed anger, and the physical habits (like nail-biting, jaw-clenching, tooth grinding, etc.) we develop to deal with them can affect the muscles of the head, neck and shoulders; causing muscle tension, spasms, and referred pain. He also provides an excellent flow chart showing the interactions and feedback loops of a “brain under siege” by long-term stress (recreated here with permission.)
 Copyright 2012 by Donald R. Tanenbaum and S. L. Roistacher (reprinted with permission) I highly recommend this book for anyone who has unrelieved facial pain, especially if you’ve been seeing multiple doctors trying to find a way to ease your pain and getting no results, or having even more pain after treatment. An extra copy for your doctor or dentist can help him/her treat you more effectively, or help you get a referral to an appropriate specialist if that is necessary. I’ve even found that some of the techniques suggested in the book help me manage my fibromyalgia pain, since stress increases central sensitization, which is a factor in both facial pain and fibro pain.
About Dr. Tannenbaum: Donald Tanenbaum is a specialist in orofacial pain. He was the Council Chair of the American Academy of Orofacial Pain 2020-2011, as well as President of the American Academy of Orofacial Pain 2009-2010. He is currently a Clinical Assistant Professor at Hofstra North Shore, LIJ School of Medicine; Clinical Assistant Professor, Department of Oral & Maxillofacial Surgery, School of Dental Medicine at Stony Brook University; and Section Head, Associate Attending Orofacial Pain/Dental Sleep Medicine Department of Dental Medicine Long Island Jewish-Hillside Medical Center New Hyde Park, NY
Disclosure: A free review copy was provided by the author. No other form of compensation has been offered or received for this review.
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By wendy, on August 10th, 2012
 My latest book review column is available! Understanding Women with AD/HD was a fascinating read, and I had a very specific reason for choosing it. I like browsing books on Amazon, because many of them allow you to preview the table of contents and some of the other stuff; and when I previewed this one I noticed a chapter on fibromyalgia included in the section on associated disorders.
Since I’ve struggled with fibromyalgia for the past 15 years or so, that really caught my attention, especially since the reading I’ve been doing on AD/HD makes me suspect that my bipolar diagnosis may not be accurate . . . My symptoms (and history) seem to fit much better with an AD/HD diagnosis, so I’ve been trying some of the strategies in the books to see if they help. (I figure whether or not I have it, if the strategies help me, it’s a good thing.)
So anyway, back to the connection between AD/HD and fibromyalgia. The chapter on fibro provides an excellent explanation of how stress and fibromyalgia are interconnected; including explanations of how the limbic system and the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis work, how they’re affected by stress, and how that ties into fibromyalgia (dysfunction of the HPA axis is suspected to play a large part in fibromyalgia.) Continue reading Fibromyalgia & ADD are Related?? — Really? »
By wendy, on August 1st, 2012
 052/365 Displaying Elation (Photo credit: kurichan+) I’ve been pretty quiet lately, mostly because I’ve been working on a few projects, and didn’t want to “jinx” anything, or talk about something that might not work out.
I’ve been working on an e-book for a client, which is taking a good bit of my time with research, etc; but the real excitement today is my new collaboration with PsyWeb.com. I’ll be doing book reviews of mental health/self improvement focused books for them, and my first review posted today! Check it out here: Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping with Attention Deficit Disorder From Childhood Through Adulthood.
This is going to be a regular column, but I’m not sure exactly what the schedule will be yet. I’m planning on once a week, but I’m not sure if it will get posted on the same day each week or not.
There will be a list of links to my reviews provided in the sidebar of this site, and they’ll also be posted on my Facebook page, Transform Your Chronic Life, and on my Twitter account. (And anywhere else I can think of to “brag.” LOL)
If you have a book you’d like to see reviewed, you can contact me here. I accept review copies, pdf and kindle versions; and am working on being able to read other ebook formats as well. (Books that aren’t appropriate for PsyWeb will be reviewed on this site.)
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"The moral test of a society is how that society treats those who are in the dawn of life . . . the children; those who are in the twilight of life . . . the elderly; and those who are in the shadows of life . . . the sick, the needy, and the handicapped."
---Hubert Humphrey
Welcome to the new home of Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired. I hope you'll enjoy the changes, and the new resources I'll be adding as I have time to work on the site. Things will look a bit odd while I learn where and how to modify the appearance, so please bear with me.
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