By wendy, on September 22nd, 2012%
 I have a confession . . . I’m scared to death. I spend a lot of time scared, but right now it’s even worse than usual because I’m afraid I’ll blow it again.
Okay, now that I’ve got you thoroughly confused, let me back up a bit and tell you that we finally found an apartment, and we signed the paperwork and made the deposit on the 20th. I have to admit that I’m excited as hell that we’re going to have our own space again, and that I’ll be able to cook or take a bath at 2AM if I want.
The terrifying thing is taking on so much responsibility. The rent is going to be a healthy chunk more than we’re paying here, and utilities won’t be included. Living here has been very light on responsibilities, all I had to do was make sure the rent got paid and cook dinner a few times a week; but now I’ll have to make sure there’s money in the bank when it’s time to pay rent, and make sure the utilities get paid on time.
If I forget to buy coffee, I won’t just be able to run upstairs and borrow enough to make it to the next day, I’ll either have to do without or drag my happy ass to the store and get some. I feel kind of like I did when I left my ex and got my own place for the first time in my life . . . What if I can’t do this? What if I fail? What if I really CAN’T make the money we have cover the bills and food, and all of the other necessary bits and pieces? What if one of us loses their job (again?)
I can DO this, I know I can, but it’s still terrifying . . .it’s such a huge responsibility, and the only fall-back plan is my writing. That’s scary enough all by itself. I love writing, but it has it’s own set of “what ifs” that come with it. What if I’m wrong about being able to be more productive in my own space, where I can get away from the tv? What if spending almost 3 hours a day on public transportation to get back and forth to work triggers the fibromyalgia even worse than walking does; and I’m too tired, or in too much pain, to be able to write, even on my days off? What if I transfer to a store closer to the apartment so I have more time to write; and hate the people I work with, or don’t get enough hours to pay the rent on? Can I really make enough money writing to make this work?
Am I really going to be able to keep hubby from spending every penny on stuff we can live without, or stuff we could get cheaper? Will I let him talk me into things just because it’s easier than arguing with him about it?
Change is scary. It always is, and always has been. I can make this work, things are going to be better. I know they are, but every now and then the fear just slams into me like a wave crashing against the shore, sweeping me out into that undertow, and sucking me down into that dark place that’s full of doubts and insecurity again. I know that place, too well. I used to spend my whole life there, doubting my ability to manage in any kind of reasonable way, and at times like this it’s easy for the fear to drag me back there.
There’s a big difference now though. The fear may drag me down, but it can’t hold me there any more. Even when it’s dragging at me, I’m already fighting my way back out. A few years ago, the fear would have immobilized me. It would have sucked me into the dark place, and I would have been helpless to resist it. I would have been trapped there until someone helped me back out, but this time, I can feel myself fighting it.
Like Penelope Garcia, I believe things happen for a reason. Things have changed here because it’s time for me to move on. This place, these people, have been like a family to me; giving me the time and space I needed to learn and grow. Now, to continue growing, I need to be in a place where I have to push a bit harder, where I can’t just do the minimum necessary to survive at this level. I need to be in a place where there are more demands, where there is more incentive to focus on the things I WANT to accomplish. It’s time to stop letting myself drift along on the current of “how it is,” and start swimming harder toward “how I want it to be.”
It’s not going to be easy, and I’m going to have to do a lot of things I absolutely HATE to do (like making decisions and organizing things,) but I CAN do this. Not only can I survive starting over, yet again; but I can thrive. This is going to work. It’s going to be exciting, and terrifying; but no matter how many times life knocks me on my ass, I’m going to get back up and keep going.
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By wendy, on August 10th, 2012%
 My latest book review column is available! Understanding Women with AD/HD was a fascinating read, and I had a very specific reason for choosing it. I like browsing books on Amazon, because many of them allow you to preview the table of contents and some of the other stuff; and when I previewed this one I noticed a chapter on fibromyalgia included in the section on associated disorders.
Since I’ve struggled with fibromyalgia for the past 15 years or so, that really caught my attention, especially since the reading I’ve been doing on AD/HD makes me suspect that my bipolar diagnosis may not be accurate . . . My symptoms (and history) seem to fit much better with an AD/HD diagnosis, so I’ve been trying some of the strategies in the books to see if they help. (I figure whether or not I have it, if the strategies help me, it’s a good thing.)
So anyway, back to the connection between AD/HD and fibromyalgia. The chapter on fibro provides an excellent explanation of how stress and fibromyalgia are interconnected; including explanations of how the limbic system and the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis work, how they’re affected by stress, and how that ties into fibromyalgia (dysfunction of the HPA axis is suspected to play a large part in fibromyalgia.) Continue reading Fibromyalgia & ADD are Related?? — Really? »
By wendy, on January 20th, 2012%
 Image by blmiers2 via Flickr By Wendy Burnett
When you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia, every season has its challenges, but I think winter is the hardest to cope with. Not only is it cold, which tenses up muscles and increases pain levels; but there are so many other issues as well. Basically, winter with fibro sucks, and here are just a few of the reasons (if you have more, leave me a comment and I’ll add them):
- It’s cold, and frequently damp
- The weather changes all the time, which means barometric pressure changes and more aches and pains
- Shorter days and lower vitamin D levels that increase depression
- Being cooped up indoors without being able to open windows and doors increases exposure to indoor molds, toxins, and contagious illnesses; increasing allergic responses and physical stressors
- The weather makes exercising more difficult. Between higher pain levels and less ability to exercise outdoors or get to the gym we can slip into a vicious cycle of exercising less, which increases pain levels even more, and makes it even more difficult to exercise.
So how do we deal with all this “stuff” and keep our health from slipping? There are a ton of ways to minimize the winter “blahs,” but the most important one is: don’t give up! You may need to change some routines, but winter doesn’t have to be a miserable, depressing experience. I try to look at it as a challenge to my ingenuity, looking for new ways to get where I need to be and accomplish what I need (and want) to do.
Winter Survival Strategies:
Dealing with the cold (and damp): Layer, layer, layer! Several light layers of clothing, topped with a blanket; will keep you more comfortable than wearing one heavy item. Layering your clothes traps air between the layers and increases the amount of insulation they provide. If one pair of socks isn’t keeping your feet warm, add another light pair instead of taking off the ones you’re wearing and changing to a heavier pair.
If you’ve read much of this blog, you know how much I love hot packs . . . They’re even more wonderful in cold weather. Even if you don’t have a specific ache that needs heat (not likely, but it happens,) putting a hot pack in the chair or bed with you will help you stay warmer all over.
Flannel sheets are warmer than smooth cotton blends, and an electric blanket or mattress pad can make a huge difference in your ability to stay warm at night. They also provide gentle, all-over heat for the more general aches that tend to come with winter weather.
Shorter days and depression: Using full spectrum light bulbs will help, and so will adding a vitamin D supplement (low vitamin D increases depression, and with shorter, gloomier days our body doesn’t make enough.) Adding B vitamins can also help, either through supplements or more veggies.
Isolation is something else that can increase depression levels, and winter weather frequently keeps us at home. Finding online support through Twitter, Facebook, or forums can make a huge difference.
Being cooped up indoors: Adding a few potted plants will increase indoor air quality (if you have pets, make sure they’re safe if they get nibbled or keep them where your pets can’t munch them.) English ivy is an excellent plant for reducing indoor toxins, and it’s pretty easy to take care of too. There are many more options as well, and Treehugger has an excellent article on the subject, based on a NASA study on which plant is best for various pollutants.
To reduce the chances that I’ll catch something, I make sure I wash my hands regularly (with plain soap and water, antibacterials don’t help against viruses and increase the number of resistant bacteria,) get plenty of vitamin C and eat more onions and garlic. This last one is a bit controversial, because I also avoid vaccines like the plague. (The ONLY times in the last 15 years or so that my husband and I have actually had the flu were the two years we got a flu shot, and I’ve only gotten a cold once.)
Exercise: This is the toughest one for me because most of my exercise comes from walking to work, and in the winter that’s harder to do. If it’s too cold, or it’s raining, my husband and roommates make sure I have a ride, so I have to get a bit more creative. I’ll frequently do a couple of laps of the store I work at, or, on bad days, just get up and walk across the room a couple of times every hour or so. There are also videos on YouTube for fibromyalgia exercises that can be done while sitting down, which is especially helpful during flares because they’re very gentle and put less stress on your body.
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By wendy, on November 30th, 2011%
By Wendy Burnett
Do you do everything you can to ease your fibro symptoms, and wonder why you don’t feel better? If you’re being exposed to the following substances, you may be undoing all the good you’re doing with your diet, medications and alternative treatments.
- Aluminum Hydroxide – An adjuvant added to vaccines to increase antibody production, aluminum hydroxide is a neurotoxin that has been connected to Gulf War Syndrome; as well as cognitive dysfunctions and motor neuron disease, which is virtually indistinguishable from classical amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease) except for the age of onset. It has also been linked to the destruction of, and damage to, motor neurons; which are responsible for telling your muscles to contract or relax, thus controlling movement; as well as for receiving sensations from the body.
- Aspartame – Aspartame (Nutra-Sweet) has been linked to headaches, including migraine; higher pain levels, cancer, brain tumors, tinnitus (ringing or buzzing sound in the ears,) noise sensitivity; decreased vision and/or other eye problems such as: blurring, bright flashes, squiggly lines, tunnel vision; decreased night vision; pain in one or both eyes; dry eyes; dizziness and unsteadiness; confusion and memory loss; severe drowsiness and sleepiness; Continue reading 8 Things You Didn’t Know Would Make Fibromyalgia Worse »
By wendy, on August 16th, 2011%
 Image by chadly via Flickr
By Wendy Burnett
When you have a chronic invisible illness, one of the hardest things to deal with is the lack of understanding from your family, friends, and co-workers. “Normals” (those without chronic illnesses) have only had illnesses that last a few days or weeks, then go away; so when they see you on a “good” day, they think you’re “getting better.”
If your friends see you out shopping one day, and then the next day when they ask you to go to lunch, or help with something; and you can’t because the shopping wore you out, they get angry or think you’re “faking.” After all, you were fine yesterday. Continue reading 3 Ways to Explain Your Chronic Illness to Family & Friends »
By wendy, on April 13th, 2011%
Of all the symptoms of fibromyalgia I have to deal with on a daily basis, FibroFog is absolutely the worst for me. I can deal with pain and stiffness, I’ve adjusted to always being exhausted, anxiety and stress are a constant undercurrent, but feeling like I’m losing my mind? THAT one bugs me.
I have to use lists constantly, or I’ll walk out of the house without my head one of these days. (Of course, a list does a lot more good if I can actually find it.) I have to laugh most of the time, because some of the things I forget are just SO ridiculous . . .
Have you ever gotten half way to work and realized you forgot to put on your bra? I have. Funny? Yes. Irritating? Even more so. I probably could have gotten away with it, considering it was in the winter and I was wearing three layers of clothes, but still . . . not appropriate. Besides, try explaining to your male boss that the reason you’re half an hour late is because you walked halfway to work before you realized you’d forgotten your bra and had to go back and put it on. NOT fun. Funny, yes, even hilarious, but definitely not fun. Continue reading FibroFOG – The WORST Symptom Ever? »
By wendy, on April 3rd, 2011%
Have you tried herbs or supplements for your chronic illness? I’ve had to find “other options” for treating my fibromyalgia and bipolar disorder because of my financial situation, so I’ve been doing a lot of research and collecting some tools for working with the herbs I like to experiment with.
 Capsule Machine and Completed Herbal Capsules In other words, I’ve been learning to make my own herbal treatments for my various symptoms. I ordered an “encapsulator” for making my own herbal capsules, and have been playing with that a LOT. Instead of buying bottles of herbal supplements, I’ve been making my own. Continue reading Making My Own “Medicine” for My Chronic Illness »
By wendy, on March 29th, 2011%
 Image via Wikipedia
I’ve been a very, very bad blogger lately, and haven’t posted in forever. The short explanation is that work and the fibromyalgia have been playing hell with my body, and most of my non-work time has been spent doing the things that are absolutely necessary and sleeping. (Lots and LOTS of sleeping.) One of my blogging friends, Phylor, has posted a letter to the chronically ill part of herself, and it inspired me to start writing again (thanks, girl, I needed that!)
Dear body;
I owe you an apology . . . a big one. I know that many of the things I do make you worse, and I’m really sorry about that, Continue reading Dear body: A Letter to Myself About Chronic Illness »
By wendy, on March 10th, 2011%
(Disclosure notice: Links to product pages in this post are affiliate links, and if you make a purchase using one, I will receive a payment. If you enjoy this blog and intend to make a purchase, I would greatly appreciate your use of my links to do so. It will not affect the price you pay, and will help me keep this blog online.)
Chronic illnesses tend to wreak havoc with family finances. Between the cost of treatment, and the reduction in the ability to work; having an illness like fibromyalgia, bipolar disorder, myalgic encephalitis (chronic fatigue syndrome,) lupus, migraines, or any of the thousands of others out there can destroy a family’s financial security and severely limit the ability to provide traditional healthcare.
My illnesses have put me in the position of not being able to afford the several hundred dollars a month I was spending on medications with my insurance (and with the insurance we have now, the more than $1000 a month they would cost would take pretty much our entire income,) so I’ve had to find other options.
It’s been an interesting journey, and there have been times when I’ve seriously considered just killing myself and getting it over with (mostly during the forced withdrawal from the psychiatric meds I used to be on for my bipolar disorder.) I’ve reached a point now where I’ve found enough other options to manage fairly well, and I’m actually happier without the prescriptions than I was with them. (Even if I hit the lottery tomorrow, I wouldn’t go back to taking all the stuff I used to be on.)
It’s more work than just popping a handful of pills several times a day, but using herbs and aromatherapy to treat my symptoms is also very satisfying. I have much more control of what I’m putting into my body, I’m supporting the natural processes my body uses to heal itself rather than subverting them, and I’m not dealing with multiple side-effects that have to be treated with yet another expensive medication that comes with its own set of side-effects.
Natural treatments do take longer to “kick-in,” and I sometimes deal with slightly higher pain levels than I would if I could just take a heavy-duty pain-killer, but I don’t have to worry about becoming dependent on most of the herbal treatments I use, either. (Which also means that I don’t have to worry about withdrawal symptoms if I switch things around or run out of something.)
There are several herbs that I make certain I always have on hand, and as I promised in part 1, those are the ones I’m going to focus on in this post.
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, and nothing I say in this post is intended as medical advice. If you find the idea of using herbs in your treatment plan intriguing, be sure to do the research and discuss any changes or additions with your healthcare provider to ensure your safety.
 Making Skullcap Capsules Skullcap: I use this one for pain reduction (it has actually helped more with my sprained shoulder than the Lortabs the doctor prescribed,) stress reduction, and help sleeping. I try to get it online, from Mountain Rose Herbs, because it’s half the price that I pay at the organic grocery down the street. ($15 a pound, as opposed to $30; so even after I pay for shipping, I save money.)
It works well for headaches (especially tension headaches,) and muscle pain; and in combination with other anti-inflammatory herbs like ginger and turmeric, it also helps with my arthritis/fibromyalgia pain. Continue reading Making My Own “Medicine” – Part 2 »
By wendy, on October 13th, 2010%
I found this article on Dr. Mercola’s site, and I thought that the information included could be very helpful for those of us who deal with the horrors of fibro every day. (I personally plan to try many of these suggestions, and have already discovered that aspartame DOES make my pain worse.) Republished with permission.
Chronic pain is a pervasive issue and fibromyalgia is a very common form. It is a chronic condition whose symptoms include muscle and tissue pain, fatigue, depression, and sleep disturbances.
Recent data suggests that central sensitization, in which neurons in your spinal cord become sensitized by inflammation or cell damage, may be involved in the way fibromyalgia sufferers process pain.
Certain chemicals in the foods you eat may trigger the release of neurotransmitters that heighten this sensitivity.
Although there have been only a handful of studies on diet and fibromyalgia, the following eating rules can’t hurt, and may help, when dealing with chronic pain. Continue reading Foods That Chronic Pain Sufferers Need to Avoid »
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