By wendy, on October 5th, 2012%
 Moving Truck (Photo credit: netmonkey) http://www.flickr.com/photos/netmonkey/2749646355/sizes/m/in/photostream/
Moving sucks, and it’s even harder when you have a chronic illness, but it’s finally done (although it’s going to be a while before everything is unpacked and put away.) It wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been, considering the fibro and all the stuff that goes along with that.
Moving is actually why I’ve been “missing” for so long. Between the packing, the actual move, and waiting for the cable company to get my net hooked up; I’ve been gone for a while, but I think it’s going to end up being worth it . . .
I’m loving the apartment and having so much more space, but I think the best part is just being able to cook and take a bath any time I want . . . The cottage didn’t have a kitchen, and only had a half bath, so for cooking and bathing we had to go up to the main house, and sometimes that just wasn’t an option.
Hubby and I both work nights, so we’re up at weird times of the night, and since our roommates kept more “normal” hours, a lot of the time I’d want to cook or take a bath when they were asleep. Now if I want to take a bath or boil an egg after I get home from work, I can, and I don’t have to worry about waking anyone up while I do it.
Of course, there are disadvantages to moving out, too. For one thing, getting to work now involves at least an hour and a half to two hours on public transit, instead of a 15 minute walk. Between getting to the bus stop, then walking to the train and back out to the other bus, I actually walk further than I did from the cottage to work. (The walk from the bus stop to the apartment is almost as long as the entire walk from work to the cottage was . . .)
The biggest disadvantage, at least as far as I’m concerned, is having to deal with the utilities and all. All that stuff was in the roommate’s names, so all I had to do was hand over the rent, and they took care of the rest. Now I’m the one that has to make sure everything gets paid when it’s supposed to, and make the calls when something screws up.
Like everything else in life, it’s a trade-off. There are advantages and disadvantages, but overall, it’s mostly a positive experience, and I’ve learned a lot about managing a move without triggering a flare. I’ve learned that:
- Pacing is the key to minimizing the physical stress of a move. If you can afford it, hiring a moving company to come in and handle the move for you is ideal. They’ll even do all the packing, for an extra charge. (If you can only afford for them to load, move, and unload; it’s still more than worth the cost to avoid having to lift and carry all that stuff.)
- If you can’t afford to hire someone, recruit all the friends and family you can. Although more than two or three people can be hard to coordinate, it’s way better than having to spend the week after the move in bed recovering. Coordinating will be easier if you stay in the house and direct what goes out when; put one or two people in the truck to supervise where things get loaded; and everyone else packing, fetching, and carrying.
- Start packing early! As soon as you know you’re going to be moving, start packing things you don’t use very often. I started the packing process in May, even though I knew it would be months before we moved. Out of season clothes, holiday decorations, knick-knacks, books you don’t read regularly (like seasonal cookbooks,) etc. can all be packed months in advance.
- Packing is an ideal time to throw things away. You’re going to have to touch everything you own to get it packed; so if it’s broken, worn out, doesn’t fit, or isn’t used anymore, throw it away and save yourself the work of packing and unpacking it.
- Label everything! This is one that most of us slack on, because it’s a pain to do; but it makes a huge difference when you get in the new place. “Miscellaneous” is not a helpful label! Useful labels include the room the box belongs in, plus the general category of things inside (books, dishes, winter clothes, etc.) and any specific items you’re likely to want within the first week or so. For things like toothbrushes, towels, the bedding you’ll need to put the bed together, and other things you’ll need right away; add “Open First” to the other labeling on the box. I spent three days looking for my cookie sheets because they ended up in a box that only said miscellaneous on it, and were buried under a bunch of random bits and pieces.
- When writing the contents on your boxes, makes sure that you put it on at least two sides, not just on top. If the only place you put your label is on top, you’ll have to constantly rearrange stacks of boxes to find what you’re looking for, because you’ll only be able to read the label on the top box.
- Medications, hot packs, heating pads, and anything else that is used in treating your illness should all be packed together, no matter which room they belong in. These boxes should be labeled on all four sides, and the top. Mark them as “Open First;” keep them separate from the other stuff; and even if you’re hiring a moving company, make sure you have these boxes in your possession at all times.
- Pack the most important stuff last, and either load it separately, like in the car, or make sure it’s the last thing to go on the truck, and the first thing to come off.
- Set up a staging area for the stuff that has to be unpacked immediately. Whether it’s one corner of the living room, or a separate section in each room, you’ll want the stuff you’re going to need right away somewhere you can find it.
- If you’re renting a truck, choose at least one size larger than the rental company says you’ll need. We were living in one room, so I rented the size U-Haul said would handle a one-bedroom apartment in one trip, and we had to make two, plus there was still stuff that didn’t fit.
- Get at least twice as many boxes as you think you’ll need, and lots of packing tape. You can always throw away extras, but if you run out, you’re screwed. You won’t have the time or the energy to run out and get more right in the middle of loading and moving things.
- Allow plenty of time for all stages of the move. It always takes longer than you expect, even for healthy folks; and those of us with chronic illnesses have to allow plenty of time for rest breaks. Remember that no matter how well-planned and well-organized a move is, there are always going to be unexpected delays.
Bonus tip: If you have clothes that need to go to the dry cleaner, drop them off the day before the move, and pick them up the day after. It will keep you from having to pack them, and save a bit of space in the truck, too.
Finally, do some research. There are tons of helpful articles and checklists online with tips to streamline and simplify the process, and help you make sure you get all the stuff you need to take care of done. I’m including some articles below to help you get started.
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By wendy, on September 22nd, 2012%
 I have a confession . . . I’m scared to death. I spend a lot of time scared, but right now it’s even worse than usual because I’m afraid I’ll blow it again.
Okay, now that I’ve got you thoroughly confused, let me back up a bit and tell you that we finally found an apartment, and we signed the paperwork and made the deposit on the 20th. I have to admit that I’m excited as hell that we’re going to have our own space again, and that I’ll be able to cook or take a bath at 2AM if I want.
The terrifying thing is taking on so much responsibility. The rent is going to be a healthy chunk more than we’re paying here, and utilities won’t be included. Living here has been very light on responsibilities, all I had to do was make sure the rent got paid and cook dinner a few times a week; but now I’ll have to make sure there’s money in the bank when it’s time to pay rent, and make sure the utilities get paid on time.
If I forget to buy coffee, I won’t just be able to run upstairs and borrow enough to make it to the next day, I’ll either have to do without or drag my happy ass to the store and get some. I feel kind of like I did when I left my ex and got my own place for the first time in my life . . . What if I can’t do this? What if I fail? What if I really CAN’T make the money we have cover the bills and food, and all of the other necessary bits and pieces? What if one of us loses their job (again?)
I can DO this, I know I can, but it’s still terrifying . . .it’s such a huge responsibility, and the only fall-back plan is my writing. That’s scary enough all by itself. I love writing, but it has it’s own set of “what ifs” that come with it. What if I’m wrong about being able to be more productive in my own space, where I can get away from the tv? What if spending almost 3 hours a day on public transportation to get back and forth to work triggers the fibromyalgia even worse than walking does; and I’m too tired, or in too much pain, to be able to write, even on my days off? What if I transfer to a store closer to the apartment so I have more time to write; and hate the people I work with, or don’t get enough hours to pay the rent on? Can I really make enough money writing to make this work?
Am I really going to be able to keep hubby from spending every penny on stuff we can live without, or stuff we could get cheaper? Will I let him talk me into things just because it’s easier than arguing with him about it?
Change is scary. It always is, and always has been. I can make this work, things are going to be better. I know they are, but every now and then the fear just slams into me like a wave crashing against the shore, sweeping me out into that undertow, and sucking me down into that dark place that’s full of doubts and insecurity again. I know that place, too well. I used to spend my whole life there, doubting my ability to manage in any kind of reasonable way, and at times like this it’s easy for the fear to drag me back there.
There’s a big difference now though. The fear may drag me down, but it can’t hold me there any more. Even when it’s dragging at me, I’m already fighting my way back out. A few years ago, the fear would have immobilized me. It would have sucked me into the dark place, and I would have been helpless to resist it. I would have been trapped there until someone helped me back out, but this time, I can feel myself fighting it.
Like Penelope Garcia, I believe things happen for a reason. Things have changed here because it’s time for me to move on. This place, these people, have been like a family to me; giving me the time and space I needed to learn and grow. Now, to continue growing, I need to be in a place where I have to push a bit harder, where I can’t just do the minimum necessary to survive at this level. I need to be in a place where there are more demands, where there is more incentive to focus on the things I WANT to accomplish. It’s time to stop letting myself drift along on the current of “how it is,” and start swimming harder toward “how I want it to be.”
It’s not going to be easy, and I’m going to have to do a lot of things I absolutely HATE to do (like making decisions and organizing things,) but I CAN do this. Not only can I survive starting over, yet again; but I can thrive. This is going to work. It’s going to be exciting, and terrifying; but no matter how many times life knocks me on my ass, I’m going to get back up and keep going.
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By wendy, on August 10th, 2012%
 My latest book review column is available! Understanding Women with AD/HD was a fascinating read, and I had a very specific reason for choosing it. I like browsing books on Amazon, because many of them allow you to preview the table of contents and some of the other stuff; and when I previewed this one I noticed a chapter on fibromyalgia included in the section on associated disorders.
Since I’ve struggled with fibromyalgia for the past 15 years or so, that really caught my attention, especially since the reading I’ve been doing on AD/HD makes me suspect that my bipolar diagnosis may not be accurate . . . My symptoms (and history) seem to fit much better with an AD/HD diagnosis, so I’ve been trying some of the strategies in the books to see if they help. (I figure whether or not I have it, if the strategies help me, it’s a good thing.)
So anyway, back to the connection between AD/HD and fibromyalgia. The chapter on fibro provides an excellent explanation of how stress and fibromyalgia are interconnected; including explanations of how the limbic system and the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal (HPA) axis work, how they’re affected by stress, and how that ties into fibromyalgia (dysfunction of the HPA axis is suspected to play a large part in fibromyalgia.) Continue reading Fibromyalgia & ADD are Related?? — Really? »
By wendy, on May 30th, 2012%
 English: MLK Memorial, Washington, DC: Passing through the "Mountain of Despair" to the "Stone of Hope" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
By Wendy Burnett
(This post was written for the June PFAM (Patients for a Moment) Blog Carnival, which is now live and being hosted on ChronicBabe.com)
“Life sucks, and then you die” – unknown
Normally, I don’t believe this, but lately I’ve been having a SERIOUS “life sucks” period. Things have been extremely difficult since I lost my job, insurance, and home in 2008; but we’ve been surviving, and there have been some pretty good things that have happened during the last 4 years so it wasn’t all bad.
Those of you who have been following this blog, and/or interact with me on Facebook, probably know that we’ve been renting a converted garage from friends since we lost our house. It’s not a great situation, we don’t have kitchen or bathing facilities down here (we have to go up to the main house to cook or bathe;) and it’s small, cramped, and dark. On the other hand; it’s close enough to my part-time job that I can walk to work, our roommates/landlords have been really awesome about letting us pay late if our checks aren’t enough to cover the rent that week and letting us borrow their car to get hubby back and forth to work, and it’s close to public transportation.
Financially, it’s been a real strain though . . . the job situation in the city is really bad, so there’s a lot of competition. For people like us; older (I’m over 50,) with spotty work records due to illnesses, etc.; there aren’t many options except part-time, low-wage retail work that doesn’t pay enough to live on; and even those jobs are almost impossible to find.
Hubby works for a retail crafts store that gives him an average of 11 hours a week. (In other words, he makes $50 to $75 a week, and it took 6 months to find THAT job.) This confuses me – why hire 6 people to split hours between when you could hire 3, give them 20 to 25 hours a week, and they MIGHT actually be able to eat? They’d still be part-time, so you still get he benefits of hiring part-time workers instead of full time ones, but your employees have a better chance at a semi-decent life and the turnover isn’t as high.
My job is a little better, since I average 25 to 30 hours a week, and I’ve been there 2 years so I’ve gone from minimum wage to $8.50 an hour. The problem is, it’s very physical so it keeps my pain levels higher than they are on days I don’t work; and it’s customer service, which is very stressful and also triggers my fibromyalgia. Even worse; we barely manage to cover rent, food and a few OTC remedies for my physical issues; so the financial stresses are HUGE; and because there’s no money to pay anything on debts from before I lost my $60,000 a year job, I’ve been garnished. Even if I was physically able to work more hours, it would make absolutely no difference to my income because every penny I make over $186 a week is taken away. (That does NOT mean I can count on $186 a week though. If I’m sick or hurt and have to call out, I don’t get paid; and there’s at least one week a month that I only get 16 to 20 hours, which works out to a take home pay of $75 to $150.)
So where does the starting over come into all of this? That’s complicated . . . Continue reading Starting Over is a B**ch »
By wendy, on November 24th, 2011%
 By NJR ZA (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0) via Wikimedia Commons
By Wendy Burnett
It’s that time of the year again. Thanksgiving, Christmas, cooking, shopping, decorating, parties and other holiday activities can lead to over-doing things. Throw in the expectations (and demands) of family and friends and you get higher stress levels, too. Add it all together, and you get the perfect recipe for a serious flare, which can totally ruin your the season for you.
It doesn’t have to happen though. There are dozens of ways to cope with the holidays, and I’ve collected five posts and articles full of helpful tips for simplifying your celebrations, pacing yourself, and coping with the physical and emotional stresses of the season. Continue reading Top 5 Posts: How to Prevent Holiday Flares »
By wendy, on November 14th, 2011%
 Image by Big Grey Mare via Flickr
By Wendy Burnett
“Shit Happens” – I know you’ve heard the expression somewhere. There are lots of other ways to say it, but it happens to all of us. Things go wrong. They just do. You can’t prevent bad things from happening sometimes, but you CAN stop them from destroying you when they do.
There have been lots of bad things happening around here in the last several months, and we’re all stressed out about them, but I’m not totally freaked like I would have been a few years ago.
Instead of freaking out, I’ve been looking for other options like ways to bring in more money and ways to save on things I use all the time. Instead of becoming paralyzed, I’ve used the “shit” as motivation, and as fertilizer for the flowering of new ideas. Continue reading Shit Happens – Use it to Fertilize the Flowers »
By wendy, on September 15th, 2011%
 Image by bloomingdalelibrary via Flickr
By Wendy Burnett
One of my absolute favorite activities is a nice long soak in a hot bath full of some wonderful smelling bath salts, but that can be expensive if you have to go out and buy the bath salts at the store. I’ve found out I can make my own; quickly, easily, AND cheaply; with just a few simple ingredients.
Not only are they just as luxurious as the store bought ones, but I can select essential oils that help to relax me and ease my pain, or ones that will wake me up and reduce depression. I decide what effect I want, and with a little research and experimentation, I can get it.
CAUTION: Do not use pure essential oils directly on your skin. They are very strong, and can cause burns and scarring if used undiluted. If you accidentally get some on you, use olive oil or coconut oil on it immediately to dilute it, and see a doctor if there is any pain or reddening of the skin. Also, you should never use an essential oil derived from any plant you are allergic to. (If you’re allergic to ragweed, be extremely careful of chamomile oil. They are members of the same family, and an allergy to ragweed means you may also react to chamomile.) See Using Essential Oils Safely for more information.
The Recipe
- epsom salt
- a glass container with an airtight seal (you can’t use plastic or metal with essential oils, the oils will interact with the container, and could introduce toxins to your salts.)
- essential oils of your choice
- optional: unscented sea salt to mix with the epsom salt
Note: The magnesium in the epsom salt is absorbed through your skin, and helps to relieve pain and relax your muscles. If you’re using the bath to help ease the symptoms of your chronic illness, I recommend that you use no more than half sea salt if you mix it. Although sea salt also contains many trace minerals, it doesn’t work as well to ease pain; and it increases the price of your blend because it is much more expensive.
The basic recipe is simple. For each cup of salt, add 10 drops of essential oil. I like to layer it, with a cup of salt, add 10 drops of oil, another cup of salt, another 10 drops of oil until my container is about 3/4 of the way full, then seal it and shake it up really well. It just seems to mix better and infuse the scents more evenly, especially if I’m using several different oils. For the most even infusion and blending of scents, leave the jar sealed for at least 24 hours before using, shaking it several times to remix and blend.
One of my favorite essential oil blends is half lavender and half rosemary. They are both excellent for skin irritations like psoriasis, eczema or insect bites; stimulate the circulatory system; reduce stress and fatigue; help with migraines and tension headaches; open the the bronchial tubes and help with asthma and bronchitis; repel insects; and reduce pain. Lavender also helps to reduce depression and anxiety, eases the pain of sciatica, and is helpful with vertigo; and rosemary is helpful with neuralgia and “fibrog” (it’s a mental stimulant.)
Using your bath salt:
Fill the tub with water as warm as you can handle (if that’s only tepid, that’s just fine.) Add two to five cups of your bath salt under the running water, swishing it around to make sure it all dissolves, climb in and relax for at least 20 minutes (I normally end up staying at least an hour, adding warm water as needed to keep the temperature comfortable.)
For an even more relaxing, stress-relieving experience; turn off the lights, light a couple of unscented candles, and play some soothing music or a guided meditation.
This bath salt blend is also very helpful in a foot bath at the end of a long, tiring day. It will help relieve the pain of being on your feet, as well as helping to ease the fatigue. Add one cup of the bath salt to a warm foot bath, and soak for at least 20 minutes, adding warm water if needed to keep it at a comfortable temperature.
I’ve found that taking a long, hot bath with my homemade bath salts helps me manage the symptoms of my fibromyalgia, as well as being helpful with various other chronic illness issues. Stress makes my symptoms worse, and a bath not only relieves pain and reduces muscle tension, it also helps me relax and reduces my stress levels.
With the addition of a label and a pretty ribbon, homemade bath salts also make an excellent, inexpensive gift for almost any occasion. You’ll save money, and the recipient will enjoy a soothing experience that will make them feel wonderful.
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By wendy, on August 27th, 2011%
 by Tooley
By Wendy Burnett
I read this awesome post about The Loneliness of Pain and it really made me think about how isolated I feel sometimes. Even though I have people in my life that I CAN talk to about how bad I feel, I frequently choose not to for various reasons.
Have you done that? I’m betting that most of us have, either because we’re afraid that eventually these folks are going to get tired of “listening to us bitch,” or because we don’t want them to feel bad. There are more reasons, but most of them seem to boil down to one or the other of these two. Continue reading (Chronic Illness) = Loneliness + Isolation »
By wendy, on August 5th, 2011%
 Image via Wikipedia
By Wendy Burnett
On August 10th, FibroDAZE is excited to be hosting PFAM and the theme is “Your Happy Place.” (We’ve all heard the expression “Find your Happy Place.” That may be a tough thing to do as a chronic chick. So this edition of PFAM asks “Where’s your Happy Place?”)
There are things that help me feel better on bad days (most of the time,) but there are other days, like today, when it just feels like no matter what I do, I can’t win for losing . . . On days like that, it starts feeling like there isn’t a “happy place” because nothing works.
When that happens, I drag out the headphones and the set of nature sounds CDs, and pick out a CD with ocean sounds on it. (I’m landlocked, and can’t afford to take a trip to the beach every time I need the ocean, so I bring the ocean home. I swear, if I can ever afford to, I’m moving somewhere I can get to a beach in less than an hour.)
I get nice and comfy, with hot packs if I need them; crank up the CD, lay back and visualize being at the beach. I’ve had this “fantasy” so many times that I can literally feel the warm ocean breeze and the sun on my arms; I can smell the salty, fishy, organic scent of the ocean; and can see the seagulls flying against the deep, rich blue of the summer sky. I can feel the hot, gritty sand under my bare feet; and then the cool, salty ocean surf as it splashes over them and recedes, over and over.
I walk down the beach, with the surf washing over my feet, and every time it recedes, it draws some of my stress and worry with it. Continue reading My “Happy Place?” Some Days I’m Not Sure I Have One! »
By wendy, on September 29th, 2010%
I’ve been pretty much offline for about two weeks now, since our router died and we were down to sharing the single network cable coming from the main house. Hubby gets super cranky when he doesn’t have the net, so when he was home, he was the one connected.
He kept telling me I could use it, but he’s not really good at keeping himself occupied without the net. If he’s home and I’m connected, there are constant interruptions and I don’t get anything accomplished anyway. It’s just easier for me to wait for him to go to sleep or work.
Anyway, to make a long story short(er), my online time was so limited that all I managed to do was sort of keep up with my email, and check in with the folks that worry if they don’t hear from me.
The couple of posts I did manage to publish were mostly written offline, then pasted in and touched up. It’s really hard for me to write offline though, because I nearly always need to look things up or refer to articles that inspired a post.
A dear friend sent us a “new” router, and I finally managed to get it set up and working Sunday, so I’ll be able to finish the posts that I’ve been working on, but it may take me a while since I’m dealing with some heavy stress and depression right now. (Both of which cause writer’s block for me . . .)
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